Beautiful North Acton shimmered in the glistening sun, as I made my way towards the Ramada Hotel. That's taking poetic licence just a little too far perhaps, but North Acton was indeed the venue for Thursday afternooon's arduos undertaking, namely an audition for The Weakest Link. I had filled in an application form about a year ago, and now, out of the blue, my presence had been requested at an audition.
There were eight of us there, covering a variety of ages, including a transvestite by the name of Samantha Starr (or Philip, as his name badge stated). Things got off to a flying start when they announced that the first part of the audition was for each of us to stand in front of the camera and talk for a minute. That sounded a bit scary, and of course I had to go first. After about twenty seconds, I had resorted to talking about Acton. Ah well.
One of the interviewers, by the name of Lee, was presumably in the role of Anne Robinson, as he started off the proceedings by casting aspersions on the intellect of the applicants he had the day before, who were from the Isle of Man. 'They never leave the island', he claimed.
Anyway, Lee was soon in full swing, insinuating that I was fat, with a receding hairline, and that the guy standing next me, who was 40, was embarrasingly dressed like a 20 year old.
We filled in a sheet of general knowledge questions, and then played a round of the game. A guy called Neil, directly to my right, managed to answer every single question wrong, and was voted unanimously as 'The Weakest Link'. He turned out to be a student from Oxford. There was a comment from Lee about taxpayer's wasted money, and on we went.
The final stage of the audition involved each one of us being individually interviewed, whilst being filmed. The questions were geared towards getting us to slag off the other contestants. I guess all's fair in love, war, and the Weakest Link. Two hours after I had arrived, it was all over.
Applicants who are lucky enough to be selected for the show, will be notified within four weeks. Anyone else - will not. Life can be tough, eh?