I made a terrible discovery yesterday. I discovered my parent's guilty secret. I was about to clean up the kitchen, and was looking for a CD to play while I was doing it. I casually glanced through the pile at the side of the CD player. My eyes fell upon a CD. I read the title. I was in shock. It was called 'Pan Pipe Classics'. My heart skipped a beat. I knew I should have stopped there, but I couldn't. I carried on scanning the pile of CD's. Then I saw it. Another one. This time it was called 'The Pan Pipe Sounds of Scotland'. I knew now that my parents had a serious pan pipe problem. I carried on searching for the final bit of evidence. It turned up at the bottom of the pile, but it was serious. 'Pan Pipe Moods', the most soul-destroying of all the evil pan pipe collection. I didn't know what to do.
I haven't confronted my parents yet about this stash of evil lurking in the house. I just know they'll use all the same excuses that all the pan pipe devotees use. 'Oh, it only cost a couple of quid' - 'Oh, I bought it, but I never play it' - 'What's wrong with pan pipes, they are relaxing'.
I phoned the Staffordshire Pan Pipe Counsellor, but apparently pan pipes are such a problem up here that they operate a policy of tolerance for less than 5 CD's worth. They told me to keep a close eye on them, and report back if the collection increased. Now I am just worried that '101% Pan Pipes', the box set, will turn up. I was incensed that all 88 versions of pan pipe collection were freely available on Amazon. This can only serve to encourage the dreadful habit.
Full list of the extent of pan pipe evil
Posted by paul at March 4, 2004 12:44 PM